Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
