billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
