So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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