u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
oh god the rape fog is back!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
