yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
