Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
