Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
