i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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