I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
