Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
