M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
