Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
