I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
