i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
