what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
