Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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