Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What changed your mind?
Being sober
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
