But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
