Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
