Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
