I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
