my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There's a naked man in my car right now.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
