I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
