I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
