stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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