you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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