I can tuck mytits in my pants
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's never too late to be topless.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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