he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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