I accidentally had phone sex last night
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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