i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
