Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
