Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
