So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
