I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
