the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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