it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All the doctor said was why
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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