Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
