i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
