look no pants
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
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I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Will exercising make me less horny?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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