in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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