WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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