There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
