Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
