I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
