i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
