So drunk its hurt
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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