I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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