That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
