This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
