So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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