Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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