I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
