grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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