dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
