its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
wow bdsm is so cute
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
