In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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