I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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