I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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