I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
