Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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