Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She bit a glass in half.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
