He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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