oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
