All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
