Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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