she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
