im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
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I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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