I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I had to cum in my sink.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
