OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
