Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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