oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When are your genitals available?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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