Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
