Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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