it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
